The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently […]
Sep
12-07
The twelve days after Christmas
Posted in Uncategorized
Sep
12-07
Revised Christmas days
Posted in Uncategorized
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary:
Snowman
1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not […]
Sep
12-07
Addicted to the Web
Posted in Uncategorized
(Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)
Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,
From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,
I’m happy — although
My boss let me go –
Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There’s beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web!
Snowman
Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, “Yo, […]
Sep
12-07
Childrens’ Minds
Posted in Kids jokes
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader.
Never underestimate the power of…termites.
You can lead a horse to water […]
Sep
12-07
His Happy Valentine
Posted in Lawyer Joke
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up […]
Sep
12-07
Making A Baby
Posted in Marriage and Divorce jokes
Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, “Daddy, what are they doing?” The dad responds after some quick thinking, “Why son, their making a puppy.”
Later […]
Aug
01-07
Elephant Shoes
Posted in Animal Jokes
Q: Why does the elephant wear pink tennis shoes?
A; They don’t make white in his size.
Q: Why is the elephant floating down the river on his back with all four legs sticking up in the air?
A: So he won’t get his pink tennis shoes wet.
Q: Why is the elephant wearing […]
Aug
01-07
Jungle Secrets
Posted in Animal Jokes
Q: Why did the elephant paint his balls red?
A: So he could hide in an apple tree.
Q: How did Tarzan meet his doom?
A: Picking apples.
Aug
01-07
Crackers
Posted in Animal Jokes
A duck walked into a sweet shop and said to
the clerk ‘You got any crackers?’
The clerk replied ‘No this is a sweet shop’
The duck left.
The next day the duck came back and said
to the clerk ‘You got any crackers?’
The clerk replied ‘No this is a freakin sweet
shop, we don’t sell freakin crackers!’
The duck left.
The next […]
Aug
01-07
Mole joke
Posted in Animal Jokes
there were 3 moles in their mole hole.
The papa mole stuck it’s head out and said
“I smell pizza” So the mama mole wanted to smell
pizza so she squeezed and shoved her head up and
said “I dont smell pizza, I smell cake.
And the baby mole wanted to smell pizza and cake,
so he shoved and squished […]
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