1. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say, “you
don’t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives
is on!!!”
2. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
3. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the
instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave
one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River
Kwai.
4. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
5. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could
possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If
it is a written exam, relate everything you your own life story.
6. Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and shield.
7. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam.
Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
8. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious…like
history notes for a calculus exam…otherwise you’re not just failing,
you’re getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the
comment, “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.”
9. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
10. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question,
and ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
11. One word: Wrestlemania.
12. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do
before concerts start.
13. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
14. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
15. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray
to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
16. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. sent to you
every few minutes throughout the exam.
17. During the exam, take apart everything around you–desks, chairs,
anything you can reach.
18. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90
degree angle.
19. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked
to stop, say, “it helps me think.” Bring a copy of the Student Handbook
with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical
instruments during finals. Don’t forget to us the phrase, “Told you so.”
20. Answer the exam with the “Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks.”
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