A man comes to the doctor with a long history of migrane headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migranes and STILL no improvement. “Listen,” says the doc. “I have migranes, too…and the advice I’m going to […]
Sep
21-07
Topless Fat Woman
Posted in Work jokes
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.
“If you’re going to drown those puppies, at […]
Aug
01-07
Differences Between You and Your Boss
Posted in Work jokes
For those that don’t know, being the boss is a tough job. Expectations, requirations (is that even a word?), etc. - really hard work and stuff. If you didn’t already know, here’s the 10 major differences between you (the worker) and your (wonderful) boss.
When you take a long time, you’re slow. When your boss takes […]
May
18-07
Ten Signs You Need a Really Long Vacation
Posted in Work jokes
- You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their process.
- You get all excited when it’s Saturday so you can wear sweats to work.
- You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.
- You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for […]
May
18-07
Tips for managers and bosses
Posted in Work jokes
- Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
- If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
- Always leave without telling anyone where […]
May
18-07
Labor Relations 5
Posted in Work jokes
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don’t do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn’t do it, he is too busy.
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I […]
May
18-07
Laws of Work
Posted in Work jokes
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
- Important […]
May
18-07
Employee’s Ten Comandments
Posted in Work jokes
- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- Keep […]
May
18-07
The reward for a job well done is more work
Posted in Work jokes
Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy.
Dumb man + smart woman = affair.
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage.
Smart boss + smart employee = profit.
Smart boss + dumb employee = production.
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion.
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime.
May
18-07
Labor Relations 4
Posted in Work jokes
When you have an “I hate my job” day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at the pharmacy, go to the thermometers section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by “Best Thermo”. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone […]
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