The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently […]
Sep
12-07
The twelve days after Christmas
Posted in Uncategorized
Sep
12-07
Revised Christmas days
Posted in Uncategorized
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary:
Snowman
1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not […]
Sep
12-07
Addicted to the Web
Posted in Uncategorized
(Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)
Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,
From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,
I’m happy — although
My boss let me go –
Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There’s beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web!
Snowman
Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, “Yo, […]
Aug
01-07
Example Of A Tragedy
Posted in Uncategorized
George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, George W. asked the class for an example of a […]
Mar
26-07
Gay Translator
Posted in Uncategorized
I want a commitment.
I’m sick of masturbation.
Haven’t I seen you before?
Nice ass.
I need you.My hand is tired.
You’re the only man I’ve ever cared about.
You are the only man who hasn’t rejected me.
I’m a Romantic.
I’m poor.
I really want to get to know you better.
So I can tell my friends about it.
It’s just orange juice, try it.
3 […]
Mar
26-07
Happenings..
Posted in Uncategorized
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
“If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.
Mar
26-07
Be smart!
Posted in Uncategorized
My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
Mar
26-07
Taking to God
Posted in Uncategorized
A man is talking to God.
The man: “God, how long is a million years?”
God: “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God: “To me it’s a penny.”
The man: “God, may I have a penny?”
God: “Wait a minute.”
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